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Why you were late for work today
While waiting at a bus stop for a bus, a woman stepped onto a weight machine that told your fortune and weight for a quarter. She put a quarter in, and out came a card that read, "Your age is 32, You weigh 135 lbs., and you play the fiddle." She found the fortune amusing, since she didn't play the fiddle, But it did have her age correct. About that time, an old gentleman walked up carrying a violin. She asked him if she could see it. He agreed, and to their amazement, she started playing the instrument with what seemed a natural talent. She wondered if the fortune machine had actually known something about her that she didn't. She thought about it, and decided to try the weight machine again. She put another quarter in the machine, and out comes the card that reads: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you have gastritis." She found this one to be absurd, as she was in perfect health, so she goes back to the bus-stop to wait for her bus. While sitting there, she develops abdominal pains that continue to get worse until all of a sudden, to her great embarrassment, she expels a great deal of noisy gas. She wondered about the fortune, and again was curious if the machine was capable of knowing stuff about her that she didn't know. She puts another quarter in the machine, and out comes a card that reads: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., and you are about to have sex." She laughed out loud, as she had been trying to find a decent guy for a long time and had been sexless for almost a year. She is sitting there waiting for the bus, when this attractive young man sits down and immediately their eyes locked, and she almost melted. The chemistry was incredible. They both knew that they were right for each other and that they were soul mates. They held hands, then quickly ducked into the alley and began to kiss. Before they knew it they were making mad love. The woman was so amazed at the ability of the machine, that she had to try it one more time. She stood on the machine, put her last quarter in, and out came a card that read: "Your age is 32, you weigh 135 lbs., You've Fiddled, You've Farted, You've Screwed around, and now you've missed your bus!"
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May, 2012
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